Your Most Embarrassing Czech Language Fails

Czech language mistakes and mishaps give the endeavor of learning this tricky Slavic tongue a little levity. Here is a round-up of the funnier ones our users are owning up to; share yours in the comment or leave them on our Facebook page:

Soup of the day…cat

I was telling my Czech husband and mother-in-law what our son had had for lunch according to what was posted on the wall at his school. Instead of čočková polévka (lentil soup) though I called it kočka polévka…cat soup! – Leah T., (CA)

Kuře (chicken) and kouří (he/she smokes)…this caused confusion on multiple occasions. -Shannon M., (US)

I was cooking. My housemate came in and asked what I was making. I replied “Vložky (maxi pads)!” She looked disgusted. I was cooking vločky (oatmeal). Never made that mistake again. -Flanna S., (US)

Shopkeeper shake up

My first morning in Prague I wasn’t feeling great. I headed to the potraviny across the road with my phrase book…’Dobry den, ja mam prujem‘ (I have diarrhea). ‘Tady ne! Budejovicka metro, lekarna‘ responded the shocked lady at the till… -Steve G., (UK)

I was teaching at preschool and didn’t understand the difference between kakat (to go poo) and skákat (to jump). The children who asked to go kakat were pretty surprised when I put them on the trampoline! -Kathryn C., (AUS)

Some kind of syntax

After spending my first Christmas with my wife’s family, my new aunt asked me if I would be with them again the next year to celebrate. I had been in the country two weeks but thought I could swing the Czech and answered back confidently, “Ne, proč?” I had meant to say Why not? and instead said No, why? Everyone laughed and it’s recounted every year. -Jeffrey Z., (US)

Rockin’ the reflexive

When we lived in Prague, we would invite my father-in-law for Sunday lunch. Once I sent him a text inviting him for that weekend and signed off, Umej se hezky (Wash yourself nicely) rather than Mej se hezky (take care). He showed up with a washcloth. -Erin D., (US)

I was very proud of my newly acquired ability to use reflexive verbs. So much so that when my co-workers complemented me on my Czech I would say smažím se, thinking I was saying in humble-brag fashion “I try” (snažím se) when in fact I was saying “I fry myself.” -Elizabeth H., (US)

Doctor, dealer, what’s the difference?

When I was getting my wisdom teeth removed they asked me if I took any drugs. The conversation went like this: “Sure” “What kind of drugs?” “Normal drugs” “What are ‘normal drugs’ for you?” “Uh…Panadol…” And that’s when I learned that difference between drogy (drugs) and leky (medicine). -Gail W., (US)

I remember being in a bar with a friend and he asked for a počítač (computer). The watiress said “Excuse me?” and he repeated it in a grumpy tone, pointing to his cigarette. He was trying to ask for a popelník (ashtray) -Emma B., (UK)

Swearing without caring

I used to get confused between hotovost (cash) and hovno (shit) for some reason. Led to some awkward conversations with shopkeepers. -William H., (WAL)

In Bulgarian murdam means to move. In Czech to f***! I wondered why when I kept telling my daughter to stand still in Bulgarian, Czechs were rolling their eyes. And then I understood why. -Kristiana W., (BG)

It’s always great to tell someone that their young granddaughter is a lovely děvka (whore). -Gail W., (US)

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I remember before I had a small grasp on the language and I was trying to say I was hot….It came out as jsem teply (I’m gay). I got a few chuckles. -Rich M., (US)